This book was unlike anything that I’ve read previously and it made me really reflect on my thoughts and my life. The author, Michael A. Singer, takes you on a thought provoking journey that is both enlightening and mesmerizing. It’s received raving reviews from Oprah, Psychology today, Huffington Post and many more and takes you on an inward journey that has the capacity to transform your relationship with yourself and the world around you.

In the beginning of the novel Michael A. Singer helps you understand that you are not your thoughts but instead are the observer of your thoughts. He explains how if you can learn to recognise this, rather than getting caught up in absolutely every thought, you will be taking the first step to untying yourself from your ego.

Imagine this, going into a movie theatre and watching a movie but it feeling more real than normal, as if you were actually experiencing it in real life. You can not only see and hear what’s happening but you can also smell everything that’s going on as well. For example, maybe in this movie the mum has baked cookies and the main character has just walked through the door after school. If you could actually smell the cookies in the movie it would feel more real right? Now, what if you could touch everything in the movie including the people and things. That would be one intense movie experience. Lastly, what if you could feel all of the emotions for the characters in the movie. How real would the movie feel if all of your senses were firing? I would say that it would feel pretty darn real, almost as if you weren’t just watching a movie but instead that you were actually in it. Michael A. Singer explains how this is exactly what is happening in our everyday life. All of our senses are involved all of the time so no wonder we’re getting so caught up in everything that is happening. It’s like we’re in our own life movie and because we have all of our senses going off all of the time we get very caught up in us, how we feel, our problems and our thoughts.

One of the main concepts in the novel is that we are not our thoughts. They may be in our minds and we may give them energy but that doesn’t mean that every thought defines the person that we are. Instead the concept that Michael A. Singer makes a point of is that we are the consciousness that observes the thoughts. The key is to learn to take a step back, not get caught up in everything including the senses and learn to observe what is happening rather than letting it take control.

Michael A. Singer has a great way of making this point. He explains, “In case you haven’t noticed, you have mental dialogue going on inside your head that never stops. It just keeps going and going. And if right now you are hearing, “I don’t know what you are talking about!” – that is the voice we are talking about! You have to step way back and watch it converse. While you are driving you hear internal conversations like: “Wasn’t I supposed to call Fred? I should have. Oh my God, I can’t believe I forgot! He is going to be so mad. He may never talk to me again. Maybe I should stop and call him right now. No, I don’t want to stop the car right now…”

“Notice that the voice takes both sides of the conversation. It doesn’t care which side it takes, just as long as it gets to keep on talking. If you spend some time observing this mental voice, the first thing you will notice is that it never shuts up. When left to its own, it just keeps on talking.”

How true is that? Later in the novel Mr. Singer asks you to externalise your thoughts and turn them into a roommate, one that you have to spend a whole day with. This roommate has something to say about everything and everyone and no matter what you hear their opinion. How long would it take before they start to drive you crazy? Now imagine that you have to live with them 24/7 for the rest of your life. Welcome to your everyday reality.

This voice in your head creates opinions and filters on everything and everyone that you see. Your perceptions and opinions are often skewed thanks to the personal roommate in your head.

Another important point that Michael A. Singer makes is the importance of distancing yourself from the voice that you have rather than trying to differentiate what it’s saying.

He explains, “Stop feeling that one thing it says is you and the other thing it says is not you. If you’re hearing it talk, it’s obviously not you! You are the one who hears the voice, noticing that it’s talking. You are the one in the background observing all of this. Yes, but you want to think of yourself as the part that says all these nice things, that is good to other people… But that is still the voice talking. You may like what it says, but it’s not you. The real you is observing all of this. “Yeah,” your mind says, “but that is kind of scary. I know I am a good person who cares about others, I don’t want to let that part go, it’s the best of me.” This is not you! This is the voice in your head, your ego, trying to cling on to the concept of mind. ‘I am a good person’ doesn’t define who you are, it’s just a thought. A thought doesn’t define you. The real you is the one hearing the thought.”

“There is nothing more important to true growth than realising that you are not the voice in your mind – you are the one who hears it!”

To clarify, there are two parts to you. The part that is aware of everything and has nothing to do with the mind, and the continuous talking part of the mind. By learning to be the awareness part, your mind will continue to make comments and talk but it’s up to you to become aware of this and just observe the thoughts rather than getting caught up in them and giving them energy. You simply have to observe the thought and then let it pass.

I’ve barely touched on the depth of this book in this review but I wanted to share these points because they really resonated with me and made me take a step back and reassess my thoughts.

If you are intrigued about learning more I do highly recommend this book. I’m actually going to read it for a second time.

By: Cortnie Dawn

There is an influx of tools out there that promise they will help you to be more productive, but this has to be my favourite tool and I can’t speak highly enough about it. If you’re looking to increase your productivity and want achieve more goals, then this is definitely worth checking out. The even better news is that you can also try it for FREE and I included the link in this blog.

I will note that I am in no way affiliated with this company but I’ve absolutely loved the product so far and wanted to share it with you. It’s even been featured in Business Insider, CNBC, and Huff Post.

Interestingly I had seen advertisements on my Facebook feed a few times for Best Self Co. but hadn’t really looked into it. It wasn’t until one of my girlfriends talked to me about the self-journal and how she found it really helped her to do more and she felt like she was moving towards her goals much faster. She also mentioned how you could download a free PDF and try it first. I thought to myself, “say no more!” Anything that is free and helps people to accomplish more is definitely worth trying.

I wasn’t sure what to expect and was very impressed with the layout. The introduction even goes through how the Journal works and shows you examples. In the very beginning it asks you to choose 3 goals that you want to achieve or work towards for the next 3 months, as the journal is broken down into 90 days. From there you have to break down your goals further into actionable steps that will show you that you’re working towards your goals. It was great to think about three main goals, not just career wise, that I wanted to work towards. I understand and teach the importance of breaking down goals and this journal provided a very easy to understand visual of just that.

Once you choose your three main goals and some actionable steps you then have a 3 month calendar and weekly breakdown sections. In this weekly section you decide what habits/activities you’re going to focus on for the week and then as the week progresses and you do your daily check ins, you simply check that day and task or don’t. Writing and planning it might take you 5 minutes. At the end of the week you check in with your progress and how your week went by answering questions such as, on a scale of 1-10 how happy were you this week and why, and what were your three big wins this week. It’s great to reflect on the week and how much you accomplished.

Other than the weekly set up and check in you also have daily plans. This takes about 5 minutes as well. You simply need to figure out your goals and targets for the day. I like to plan out my day the night before and that way I’m set up for the next day. In this section you can also plan out your day via 30 or 60 minute increments in the schedule section.

One of my favourite parts about this journal is that in the morning, and at night when you’re reflecting about your day, you’re asked to write down three things that you’re grateful for. I’ve done a lot of research into the power of gratitude and can tell you that it’s been proven to increase happiness so I was really excited that it’s included within this journal.

I will admit that It does take a little effort, especially initially, to plan your day and reflect at night. I would say between 5-10 minutes, which in the big scheme of things is really nothing. I’ve only been using mine for a short period of time and I have been the most productive in a long time, possibly even ever. I find that it keeps me accountable and that I plan exactly what I’m going to do and try my best to achieve it. I’ve also found that sometimes life just has other plans and on those days where I don’t get everything done I have to be kind to myself.

Overall, I could not speak more highly about it as it has really helped me to prioritise what’s important, have more direction and feel like I am accomplishing little wins towards my big goals.

If this sounds like something you could use definitely check it out. You can follow the link below to get the FREE PDF. Otherwise I believe you can buy the actual journal for $35.99USD.

https://bestself.co/pages/self-journal-pdf

By: Cortnie Dawn

This isn’t my usual kind of book review as this isn’t your normal kind of book. Essentially this book’s perspective is a shift from how society has previously viewed the topics of strengths versus weaknesses.

What I really enjoyed about this book was how I learnt about myself and how my brain works. Oddly enough for the first time, in some ways, I could express and be able to communicate some of my biggest strengths. When I got my results I remember thinking, “oh my gosh! That makes total sense.” I hope that from reading this review you feel inclined to take the test yourself and gain further knowledge about your strengths and how amazing you are.

For a long time specialists thought that working on your weaknesses was important for success and to ensure that your strengths and weaknesses were more balanced. This book contradicts that belief and explains how people have more potential for growth when they invest energy in developing their strengths rather than correcting their weaknesses. I love the concept. It’s not the first time I’ve heard it but through reading this book I really began to understand the positive magnitude that could occur if you began focusing on your strengths rather than your weaknesses.

The book goes on to explain the percentages that people are disengaged at work depending on what their manager focuses on about them. The percentage is how disengaged the people in the survey were. If their manager focused on their weaknesses (22%), strengths (1%) or simply ignored them (40%). There is a very large difference between focusing on strengths versus on weaknesses. Just think about a scenario where a manager or co-worker focused on your strengths, and another time on your weaknesses. What was the result of those scenarios and how did you feel?

When you or someone else focuses on your weaknesses it emphasises that you’re lacking something and creates a negative headspace within you. Comparably, how great would it feel if others and yourself focused more on your strengths and the things that you’re good at?

So what’s so special about this book? Well, as I mentioned before it’s a little different than your typical book. You read an introduction and get some background on the science behind the theory before taking a quiz. The quiz takes approximately thirty minutes so make sure you have the time to focus and answer all of the questions. The downside is that in order to take the quiz you have to buy the book and unfortunately the code in the book is only good for one person to take the quiz. In saying that, it’s definitely worth it so just buy the book.

Now, onto the good stuff. After you take the quiz you’ll be emailed your top 5 strengths and a brief overview of each. You can then take your book and read all about your newly discovered strengths. I found it very insightful. Afterwards you can even use your new strengths terms in all kinds of ways such as communicating about yourself, in interviews, including them in your resume etc.

Here is a list of a few of the strengths that you might have:

- Achiever

- Belief

- Connectedness

- Developer

- Focus

- Includer

- Maximiser

- Restorative

I’ll share with you my top strength and how it allowed me to understand how I think and also helped me to be able to communicate it to others. My top strength was futuristic. After I read the information about my strengths it was like all of a sudden I was given words that really defined the ways that I think and behave. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t come up with the words on my own but I feel incredibly grateful to know them now.

What’s even more interesting is how the strength of being futuristic is one of the reasons that I started Her Future and it completely aligns with what I’m trying to create. The book explains how futuristic people are fascinated and inspired with the future and how they’re dreamers that can energize others about the future they see.

So what are you waiting for? Go get the book and take the test. How amazing is it going to be when you not only know more about yourself but you also will have more confidence in who you are? To me that’s priceless.

By: Cortnie Dawn

Think of the last time that you were bored. Was it recently? I have a feeling it might not have been. With technology and smart phones, the amount of time that people are bored has substantially decreased. What do you do now in situations where years ago you would have been bored? Grab out your smartphone or iPad of course.

So what are the implications on us if we’re no longer bored? It’s actually incredibly interesting and after reading, you may want to look less at your technology and let yourself daydream a little more.

After listening to a podcast where Manoush Zomorodi talked about this concept, I got a lot of insight, and a reminder of how important it is to take a break from technology, and to just be bored, present and let my thoughts wonder.

Manoush goes on to say how important unplugging from technology is and how allowing yourself to be bored does something incredible in our brains. See, when you get bored it ignites a network in your brain called the default mode. This is where you aren’t doing anything that stimulates your brain or where your brain needs to be conscious and alert. Here’s the incredible thing, apparently when you’re in this headspace your most original thinking, best problem solving, and autobiographical planning happens. Autobiographical planning is when you look back on your life and you take notes of the highs and lows and create a story. You then do something that psychologists call prospective bias which is where you think about the future, figure out your goals, and establish the steps you need to take to achieve them.

A perfect example of your brain being in default mode is jogging, folding laundry or even sometimes when you’re in the shower. This is where you aren’t listening to anything or watching a program but instead are just with your thoughts.

In order to get to the real juicy ideas, you’re going to need some patience. The point is to allow yourself to dream, let go and just be. When was the last time that you had a really good idea? Do you remember what you were doing? Were you possibly in your default mode?

I’m sure you’ve heard it many times before but it’s the little tweaks in behaviour that can make the biggest difference. It can be habits as little as turning off our phones or technology and just letting ourselves daydream in our thoughts for 5-10 minutes a day. It’s also a really good idea to find special places to switch off and transition into your thinking headspace. The point is to just take the time to process your life and think. A really good example is going into nature and just relaxing and be open to what thoughts come.

A term, forest bathing, was mentioned in the podcast and I had never heard of it before. Have you? Apparently it’s very popular in Japan. It’s where you just go into a forest and let it cleanse you. I know that I definitely notice how much happier and more positive I am after I do something in nature, whether it’s hiking, bike riding etc. For me personally, I love nature and find it very grounding so this was a good reminder that I could be doing it more.

It was really interesting to hear that Manoush Zomorodi, a podcast host for Note To Self, did her own study with 20,000 people from her podcast audience and received great results. She asked them to delete an app on their phone that they used a lot. The point of this was to let go of the sensation that the app was calling to them. It could be a social media platform, a game that they played a lot, or something that they found themselves constantly checking like the news. Everyone was asked to observe themselves and make tiny tweaks to their normal behaviour. When she heard from her audience some of them were blown away with how often their fingers gravitated to check the app that they had deleted. It was a big eye opener for some people.

A really cool app that you can get, and one that I actually have, is called Moments. It keeps track of the amount of time that you’re on your phone in a day and it can even tell you the percentage that you’re on each app. I got the upgrade which was a one-time payment of $6.00 but in my opinion it isn’t worth it. By getting the app I realised how much I was using each app and it was definitely eye opening for social media apps like Facebook and Instagram. I was also made aware how much I was on GPS and using my maps to find places, which skewed my total time on my phone, but you can then look back on the app percentages and it gives you a better idea of the time usage per app.

I think the main point is to be aware of how much you’re actually on your phone versus how much you need to be on your phone. There is a very distinct difference and as a society we are getting into comfortable habits where instead of being in our thoughts and possibly being bored for a few minutes, we instead turn to our technology that can constantly entertain us. But at what cost? I’d like to think I’m still living my life and not controlled by my habits of constantly checking apps, but it’s taken time to work on positive habits like deleting certain apps off of my phone. The first step is to be aware. The second step is to create positive action around it.

Maybe it’s time that you reflect on your own phone and technology usage. Who’s controlling who in your life? If you’re up to the challenge, delete the app that you use the most off of your phone for 2 days and see how many times you go to check that app. It’s very eye opening. I’d love to hear your thoughts about it.

Remember, some of your most innovative and creative ideas come when you’re daydreaming and just in your own thoughts. Make a conscious effort and at some point today put down your phone and just be with yourself and your thoughts.

By: Cortnie Dawn

Have you ever wondered why you remember some things so vividly and forget others? This post will give you a little insight into why that is.

Recently on the Tony Robbins Podcast, Professor Dan Heath was explaining why certain experiences influence us so strongly and how we can intentionally begin to create these defining moments to enrich our lives and the lives of others.

Psychologists have been trying to understand why we remember what we do for years. Why is it that we remember only specific experiences? We also tend to remember snippets of scenes and specific moments, almost like a movie trailer, rather than the whole experience. This concept is called the Peak End Rule. There are two kinds of moments that we disproportionately remember, the peak moments where the most positive moment happens and the ending moment where the whole experience ends. Furthermore, in order to create a peak moment, the experience would have to be something that doesn’t normally occur in a day.

As a result of this, we remember the peak moments but only if they were an occurrence that would not normally happen in a day.

Professor Dan Heath explains how businesses can also create these moments, and how the Magic Castle Hotel is a great example of how creating Peak moments can positively impact people. In fact, Professor Dan Heath describes how the Magic Castle Hotel is painted bright yellow, doesn’t have the nicest rooms, and yet is rated the number one hotel in Los Angeles on Trip Advisor. It’s even above the Four Seasons Beverly Hills which is luxurious and has amazing rooms. So how can that be? Well, it’s all about the experiences and the moments that the Magic Castle Hotel creates for people and their families. Some examples of creating Peak moments included a cherry red phone near the pool where someone could pick it up and another person would answer saying, “popsicle hotline, may I help you?” You’re then able to order any kind of popsicle that you want free of charge. Afterwards someone brings the popsicle to the pool area on a silver tray wearing white gloves like an English butler. You can also order different kinds of candy, like sour patch kids for free, and there’s even a board game menu where you can pick up board games to play for free. Those are only a few examples of the Magic Castle Hotel has created ways to help guests construct Peak moments. Although the hotel itself is nothing special, the experiences that they create become lasting memories.

Defining moments can be described as short experiences that are both memorable and meaningful. This includes things such as weddings, birthdays or even getting a compliment from someone unexpected.

Professor Dan Heath goes on to justify how the occasional memorable moments are worth investing in because they are what we actually remember. What’s really exciting is that we’re actually able to create moments like this ourselves as there are some common elements that these experiences all share. What’s also fantastic about this concept is the diversity that it can be used for. People can create these moments for their loved ones, teachers can create lessons that students will remember for years or businesses can even use these concepts to create amazing experiences for their consumers. There are so many options and yet it’s so simple.

There are four different characteristics that will make a moment stand out. If you can incorporate one aspect that’s great but if you can include more than one, it increases the chances of it becoming a Peak moment.

So what elements do these moments need in order to make them memorable?

1) Elevation: An experience that rises above the everyday experience. Example: Birthday party or playing in a sports game. The feeling of being absorbed in the action of what you’re doing.

2) Insight. Abrupt realisations.

3) Pride: Moments when we’re at our best or have accomplished something important to us.

4) Connection: Can be between individuals or groups. Often when groups work together on something difficult it creates more positive relationships and memories within the group.

Remember, great experiences are not end to end great. They have moments within them that are remarkable and this is true for so many different aspects of life.

With this understanding of creating memorable moments, we can begin to create these Peaks in our own lives.

What kind of Peak moments will you create?

By: Cortnie Dawn

I absolutely loved this book and it has quickly become one of my top favourites. The author, Janice Kaplan, writes about an experimental year where she focuses on gratitude and her findings along the way. It’s a simple read with tons of expert’s opinions and science to back it, which I appreciate. I love how I felt inspired to become more grateful and how easy it is to incorporate into your own life.

The story begins with Janice Kaplan explaining how she had decided to make a New Year’s Resolution that she would actually stick to. She decided to take the year to create more appreciation in her life, but she had no idea just how positive the year would be.

Throughout different sections of the book Janice focuses on being grateful for different things. In the beginning of her journey she decides to focus on appreciating her husband more and their relationship. She acknowledges times that she had gotten upset and makes a valiant effort to flip her headspace to appreciating her husband in those situations, rather than getting frustrated. She gives the example of how sometimes late at night her husband gets called into work, he’s a pediatrician, and how she gets annoyed that he has to leave and doesn’t get to spend the night with her. When she begins this month of gratitude, she explains how in those moments where he has to leave rather than getting upset at him she feels grateful that her husband is able to help others in need. She starts to look at him differently and instead of feeling agitation she begins feeling deep love and admiration. To help with this transition of gratitude for her husband, Janice tells him one thing that she’s grateful for about him and one thing that he did for her recently that she appreciates. Eventually he begins reciprocating and their entire relationship begins to shift and become more positive.

I really liked this concept of appreciating your partner and I actually began doing it myself in my relationship. It’s so simple but from my experience it definitely helped to create a more positive relationship with my partner. I noticed that he generally felt more appreciated and even began doing more. When he reciprocated with positive appreciation it built me up and I wanted to do more for him as well. Suddenly waking up early to make him a healthy breakfast wasn’t a chore but instead it was nice to do something little for him to show him I cared. I know that it sounds so simple but it honestly helped us to feel closer. Anything that helps to create a more positive relationship with your partner is great in my books.

Other things that Janice focused her gratitude on for a month included work, healthy income and her children. She kept a gratitude diary and wrote down the different things that she was grateful for during her journey. Janice explains how, “You can think of gratitude as a form of mental exercise that primes the mind for positivity.” Who doesn’t want more of that?

I also really enjoyed how throughout the book she talked to different specialists about gratitude and their findings.

Here are some of my biggest takeaway’s from the book:

If you trade your expectations for appreciation, the world instantly changes.People want to feel valued and will respond with greater creativity, engagement and persistence when they feel like others are grateful for their contributions.Appreciation is the single most sustainable motivator at work.Gratitude lowers stress and less stress means less inflammation. Less inflammation means you are not as susceptible to disease.

Relationship gratitude in three steps:

Find a reason at least once a day to say thank-you.Focus on the positives instead of the negatives.Tell your spouse why you appreciate them.

Children gratitude:

To raise grateful kids, be grateful for your kids.

I sincerely enjoyed reading this novel and found it positively impacted myself and my life. I’m always looking for new techniques or tools to positively incorporate in my life or show others. This book definitely gave me more perspective and appreciation for the power of gratitude. Of all the books that I have written about, this is the one that I would recommend that everyone reads.

I thought I would end this book review with a powerful quote by Epicurus, “nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little.”

By: Cortnie Dawn

In a world that runs off of internet socialising and relationships, it’s becoming more and more apparent how less connected people actually are. Although the statistics show that the average person looks at their phone 80-150 times a day and are on social media for 1.5-2 hours, why is it that people are feeling more and more lonely?

One concern is that every time you check your phone or social media platform and see that someone has commented or liked your post, a portion of the hormone Dopamine is released into your brain. This in turn makes you feel happy and euphoric, but the issue is that the more you check your social media, the more dopamine is released and your body begins to build a tolerance for it. Each following time a little more dopamine needs to be released in order to get you the same feeling. So often people stay on their social media platforms for longer and longer wanting to feel good. It literally becomes an addiction and follows the same chemical pattern in our brains as a drug user.

How do we solve this issue of connection since it’s been shown over and over again just how unsocial these social media platforms really are?

In order to feel connection, people need three things: to be seen, heard and valued. This is relatively simple but becomes a little more difficult when you can only control yourself, and your behaviours and actions.

In order to be seen, heard and valued there needs to be a relative amount of respect from both parties and unfortunately you can’t just demand that someone respects you. What you can do, is work on feeling connected with others through you. So we can take the concepts of the three things that everyone needs in order to feel connected and instead ensure we give those things to others.

The need to:

Be seen. It’s easy to get into our daily routines and only say hi to who we usually talk to or our friends at work but what if we stepped a little bit out of our daily routine and said “hello” to everyone, no matter who they were or the previous outlook that we had of them. We all just want to be seen and all it takes is a quick “hi, hello, or good morning.” Those easy words, that don’t necessarily need to turn into a conversation, can be the first steps to creating all kinds of great connections. The awesome part is, that if you start to make people feel seen, they will do the same to you.Be heard. Depending on your personality this one may be a little trickier. Naturally, we listen to others in anticipation of what we want to say next, not intentionally listening to them. It’s a terrible habit but now that I pointed it out, if you hadn’t been told previously, you’ll start to notice it. Try for the next week to actually intentionally listen to others when they talk to you and only once they are finished add in what you would like to say. You’ll find that you won’t get to say everything you wanted to because by the time they finish, the conversation has changed and your points are no longer fluid with the topic; that’s okay. When you respond in a way that shows the other person you heard them, their respect for you will begin to increase because you will be showing them that you care about what they have to say. You’ll also learn a lot about someone when you aren’t just listening to respond but rather listening to learn and then reply.Be valued. There are many ways to show others that you value them and this will completely depend on your personality, but the point is to show others that you value them. Whatever that means to you. A few ways that I like to show others that I value them is to do something nice and unexpected, say thank-you or write them a nice note, genuinely care about them and get to know them by asking them questions and listening. Showing and saying appreciation for others is also important.

If you want to feel more connected and less lonely, you need to see, hear and value other people. It’s not too complicated but it will definitely take some effort. By you practicing to value other people, you are also exemplifying how you want people to treat you.

By: Cortnie Dawn

This book is incredibly fascinating. It carefully explains how the brain continuously transforms throughout our lives and is capable of changing, overcoming disabilities, learning and recovering. The main concept behind the book is that the brain itself is plastic and can actually change itself through exercise and understanding; this is known as neuroplasticity.

Neuroplasticity not only gives hope to those with mental limitations but also expands our understanding of the healthy brain and its resilience.

Throughout the book we meet patients, scientists and researchers who have all been involved with neuroplasticity and have helped in paving the way to understanding the brain and how it functions. Through a riveting collection of case histories, it becomes obvious how remarkable the information within this field is and how it can change people’s lives.

There are so many amazing points and discoveries within this book. Not only are researchers helping people to positively change their lives but patients who have exercised their brain in different ways have been able to rewire it to help with disabilities, autism, strokes, addictions and mental illness.

Dr. Doidge shows us how brain maps are dynamic and change based on the ‘use it or lose it’ principle. If you don’t use your brain, you’ll lose it. Furthermore, brain maps work by spatially grouping events that happen together and firing those same groups of neurons. For example, throwing a ball many times the same way creates a brain map where the thumb map is next to the index finger map, and then the middle finger. This coincides with the concept that ‘neurons that fire together wire together.’ This means that when you do something over and over again, whatever body part is expressed (the hand and arm when throwing a ball) will essentially be creating neural pathways together.

It was captivating to read about the different discoveries, programs and techniques in regards to neuroplasticity. From everything that I read, my biggest take away is that we need to continuously use our brains in different ways. Even as we age we need to try new things, start new hobbies, and just overall keep learning. Some suggestions in the book were learning a new language, taking dance lessons or learning to play an instrument. The main point was that we need to not only read to learn but also learn new things while using our body.

After reading this book I was really intrigued and I started to play brain games on my phone (PEAK and Lumosity are well reviewed) and I’m currently reteaching myself how to play the guitar. After only a week I felt a little smarter and that my memory was improving. I’ve also recognised that I would like to improve my mental math skills. What is one thing that you can do to help strengthen your neural pathways?

Although the book itself is quite lengthy, if you’re interested in understanding the brain more, this book is definitely worth reading.

By: Cortnie Dawn

If I had to choose the most important lesson I have learnt over the past three years of living in Australia, having completely uprooted my life, it would be to: love yourself. Would you say that you love yourself right now? If not, maybe a few of these tips will help to put you back on the right path.

Our society currently profits, in the billions, from women not feeling pretty enough, smart enough, fit enough, healthy enough etc. I recently listened to a podcast where they explained if all women in Canada and the United States stopped buying make-up for a week the market would begin to crash. That’s crazy. Then again, think of all of the make-up, hair products, beauty products, workout gear, nice clothes etc. that you buy to make yourself “happy” or at least be perceived by others that you have it together and are enough. In this moment right now, having spent all of that money and put all of that effort into yourself, do you feel like you’re enough? I hope that you say yes but statistically most of you will say no. You have your own inner issues, negative self-talk and limiting beliefs that are holding you back from feeling worthy and loving yourself.

If we don’t love who we are on the inside, others can’t love us either. We begin to put walls up to protect ourselves but in the end that often just hurts us more. We put effort into our aesthetics but at the end of the day, if you don’t like the person that you are on the inside you’ll never truly be happy.

People can find this confronting at first, but to be honest, it’s almost freeing when you start to work on yourself and begin to become the amazing person that you were destined to be. Each positive step forward gives you new confidence and pride. The hard part is to just start and to put the time and effort into creating new habits to shift your headspace. The easiest way is to try and create a new habit every month or two months. Give yourself time to get into the groove of the new habit and don’t bombard yourself with trying to do too many things. I can admit to doing this, especially when reading self-development books. There are so many things that you can or ‘should’ be doing and it can seem very overwhelming. So for now, take a step back and just focus on one thing at a time. When you get the hang of it, you can add something else in. If you find that the original habit is decreasing, go back to the first habit.

It’s important that you learn to read yourself as well. Some habits may work amazing for you and yet for others not so much. There is not one answer for everyone, just like there is not one answer for workout plans to lean out and get fit. Everyone is different but pay attention to how you feel throughout the month or two that you begin your new habit. In the beginning your mind will not want to create the habit, and you may doubt it for the first week but keep going.

Here are a few tools that I have used to help me with my headspace and learning to love myself again:

1. ‘I am’ statements. I wrote a post about this previously so please look to it for more details on how to use this tool. I have a soft spot for ‘I am’ statements as they have really worked well for me. Essentially you create a string of words that resonate and mean something to you, either that you already are or want to emulate. You can also change the words or add words in depending on how you feel that week. I read my ‘I am’ statements every morning and every night before I go to bed. It begins to change your self-talk and if repeated enough, will begin to cross into your subconscious mind.

When and time: Read your I am statements at least once a day for 5 minutes. Bonus if you read them twice a day for 5 minutes.

2. Having a gratitude journal. I have done a lot of research into gratitude and it’s health benefits and the findings are astounding. Even people like Brene Brown (who is the author for this month’s book review) expresses how learning to be grateful changed her life. The purpose of this habit is not to wait until bedtime to write down two things that you are grateful for, but instead to look for things throughout the day. It can be as simple as having beautiful weather and some days it may be the fact that you have two feet. The point is that you are looking for things to be grateful for and it shifts your headspace to appreciate the life that you have and to be more present.

When and time: Write two things in your gratitude journal every night. This should only take you approximately 5-10 minutes. I also like to write out my ‘I am’ statements for the day and read them to myself then.

3. Do things that make you happy. Make a list of hobbies and activities that make you happy. They can be as simple as reading, cooking, playing sports. Look at your schedule and when you can fit them in. This will depend on many factors but the point is that you’re trying to put more things into your life that actually make you happy, not just the tedious work, clean, eat lifestyle that so many of us get stuck in.

Lastly, don’t be too hard on yourself. Be kind. You are trying and that’s what matters. Do your best to go for a full month every day, but if you miss one day that’s okay. The whole purpose is to learn to love yourself again one step at a time and even reading this post shows that you want to start the next step. So go out and buy yourself a nice notebook and start your journaling today.

By: Cortnie Dawn

This was the first book I’ve read by Bréne Brown and I am very intrigued with her work now. She is incredibly intelligent and really makes you think about concepts in a different way. At least that’s how I felt reading this book.

This book had lots of great information and here are a few key points that I really enjoyed:

Connection

A fundamental point that Bréne Brown makes in the introduction is how humans are wired for connection. Feeling connected to others is fundamental to our well-being along with belonging and love. In order for true connection we have to allow for ourselves to really be seen, to be vulnerable. “People who have a strong sense of love and belonging, believe that they are worthy of love and belonging. That’s it. They believe they’re worthy.” Bréne Brown goes on to describe these people as being ‘wholehearted.’

Scarcity and Armour

In the beginning of the novel Bréne Brown discusses the idea of our society constantly thinking we’re in scarcity, that there’s not enough. This is depicted in the news, in magazines and even in how we feel about ourselves. We’re never perfect enough, never relevant enough, never good enough, never loved enough, never extraordinary enough. We begin to think that leading a normal life becomes synonymous for meaningless.

Bréne Brown begins to explain how we deal with the idea of scarcity by putting on personal armour, “… we go out and kick some ass and stay safe, not showing our true selves.” We armour ourselves to avoid being hurt. One of the main issues with this is that we armour up to go out in the world and often when we get home we’re so tired that we don’t even both to take the armour off, often leaving it on for our loved ones.

In order to love, feel belonging, be innovative, trust and be creative you must first be vulnerable. An interesting point that Bréne Brown made was how people want to trust others first before they want to be vulnerable but the opposite is what actually happens.

Guilt and Shame

A major differentiation was made as to the difference between guilt and shame and the importance of never shaming another person. Guilt is a feeling of disappointment upon reflection of an action or behaviour that you have done – I did something bad. For example, “I can’t believe that I snorted when I laughed today.” Here the focus is on the behaviour itself. Shame is the fear of disconnection and a feeling of disappointment on you as a person – I am bad. For example, “I am the dumbest person on earth. I never do anything right.” This comment focuses on the person entirely and not on any particular action or behaviour. Furthermore, having feelings of shame can lead to addictions of all kinds.

Empathy and Sympathy

What is empathy? Empathy – is perspective, is staying out of judgment, is recognising emotion in others and communicating that, feeling with people.

Empathy fuels connection and sympathy drives it away. If you tell someone a story and they respond with sympathy, “that sounds terrible, I’m sorry to hear that.” Comparatively empathy, “Oh my gosh, I know exactly how you feel because this one time…” When someone empathises with you they make the connection between you stronger. You feel like they understand and are not on their pedestal judging you. Often you don’t even need to have the answer, ‘I don’t even know what to say right now except that I’m so glad you told me’, can be just what we need to hear.

Bréne Brown explains, “we worry about saying the right thing and being helpful – sometimes a hand on a hand is just what you need…followed by two simple powerful words. Me too.”

Conclusion and a Video

I thoroughly enjoyed Bréne Browns book, The Power of Vulnerability. I’m actually reading it a second time to pick up on a few more tidbits. There are so many great takeaways with her research and science to back it. This book is definitely worth reading if you haven’t already.

I have also included the link to her famous TedxTalk that is on the same topic as the book. It doesn’t include all of the content from the book but it’s a great snipit. Enjoy!

https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability

By: Cortnie Dawn

The word resilient is thrown around a lot these days but for a good reason. Being mentally resilient helps with your overall happiness in life. Our society today has a higher dependency on instant gratification, resulting in resilience itself changing and people need it now more than ever. You may ask, how do I build up my mental resilience? Here are a few tricks, or habits really, to help you to a more fulfilling and resilient life.

There are three main beliefs that we have which often rob us of our mental strength.

Beliefs about ourselves

When we have negative beliefs about ourselves it begins to create a story in our mind of who we are. This story most likely isn’t true but because we think it so often it becomes part of our subconscious and therefore we believe it to be so. In order to change your beliefs about yourself you need to change your self-talk.

Beliefs about others

We often create unhealthy beliefs about others or compare ourselves to social media, to friends and celebrities. We want what others have and we feel bad about not being as successful, happy, fit etc. as the people we see. Social media plays a big part in this, especially with people today thinking they should be happy all of the time. Life has ups and downs no matter who you are but if you can build resilience the downs won’t seem as hard.

Beliefs about the world

Unfortunately, there is a new crisis of entitlement. The younger generations think that they deserve everything without having to do anything. It’s this mentality that the world owes them something. That mindset will not benefit anyone. I have mentioned in previous blogs how to change the entitlement attitude with altering a few simple words. The words that you say to yourself make a huge difference on how you feel about your life and the world.

When we have unhealthy beliefs in one or more of these three areas, we begin to weaken our mental strength. This is often done when we start to form bad habits related to our beliefs. Once we have created a bad habit it is much harder to change, but definitely possible. Below are a few things you can begin to do to change what you say to yourself.

One of the main factors in becoming mentally strong is creating new habits to break the negative ones that hold you back. There are all kinds of positive habits that you can begin doing today to help build your mental resilience. You can start a gratitude journal where you write down two things a day that you are grateful for. You may look at writing your own personal affirmation paragraphs and reading them each day, or just reading affirmations. Another great option is creating your own “I am” statements and reciting them to yourself. There are many positive habits that you can start to create today to help build your mental resilience. The issue is, will you take five minutes to start creating one new good habit?

It’s often not that we don’t know what to do, but that we aren’t willing to take the time to begin implementing what we need to. If you worked on creating a new positive habit every 3-4 weeks for 3 months you would change your mindset.

What will you choose to do? What type of person would you like to be? The person who complains about themselves, others and the world or the person who actively does something about it and has a better life because of it? Life is about choices and like every choice, this one is up to you.

By: Cortnie Dawn

This novel is about a neurosurgeon who is in his last year of residency when he finds out that he has stage four lung cancer. The novel is written by Paul Kalanithi, the neurosurgeon. It is an intense, realistic story that pulls in readers to understand, to a certain extent, how it would feel to be at the end of your long awaited secondary education and suddenly be given a small length of time to live. This novel has emotional ups and downs and definitely makes the reader empathise and understand how the author is feeling throughout the cancer process.

The author, Paul Kalanithi had to suddenly stop planning for the future and begin living for the days and often moments. His life until that point was him being a Doctor and helping his patients in dealing with their issues and recovery, but suddenly the roles are reversed. At first Paul believes that he had understood what patients went through but eventually he realises how hard it is to be a patient and all of the feelings and changes that come with being diagnosed with wide spread cancer.

This novel emphasises the concept that even if your life is completely mapped out and you’re heading down that path, that doesn’t mean it will actually happen the way that you planned for it. Whether that be sickness, or just a change of events, no matter what you should find what makes you happy and learn to be grateful for all of the amazing things that you do have in your life.

One of the biggest learnings that I got from this book was to be grateful for what you have in the present. This would include relationships, health, happiness, etc. We often get so caught up in what we don’t have, what others have or what we want in the future that we forget to be grateful for all of the amazing people, experiences and things that we do have. Life is about so much more than materialistic things. It’s about finding your passion and living for it. It’s about loving your family and friends with all of your heart and soul. It’s about whatever else lights a fire within you and makes you happy.

As humans, we have this idea that bad things happen to people that they will never happen to us. We can acknowledge the statistics but still believe that we won’t be a part of them. Scientifically this is known as the Optimism Bias.

One thing that Paul had always wanted to do was write a book. After he found out he was sick he finally had the time and motivation to start writing. Although it is clear in the novel that is was not easy to write, it was written with passion, purpose and to pass on a piece of Pauls legacy. Through his words, he has helped many people to step in his shoes for a brief time and get a little insight as to what it would be like to have been him.

This novel is definitely worth reading to help bring some perspective to your life and remind you of how lucky you truly are. When was the last time that you stopped to appreciate everyone in your life? If it’s been a while, maybe you should consider letting them know.

By: Cortnie Dawn